The Land of Colin

We just got back from the park and Colin has finally, blessedly, fallen into a nap. The nap remains a distant memory around here, but every few days he will just be so exhausted that he falls asleep despite his best efforts to avoid it. I love the days that he naps at a normal time because the evenings are so much calmer! These moments are rare, but welcome! :-)

The weather remains beautiful but VERY windy...Colin and I picked up Wendy's and headed over to the park to eat and play. I was not paying much attention to the winds and probably should have skipped trying to eat outside. Everything was blowing all over the place! We were the only ones there, however, so Colin was able to turn the whole playground into his own make believe world. Imaginary play is his latest new move and it is the MOST adorable thing you have ever seen. He found a baby push toy that had been left at the park and immediately turned it into a car that needed fixing. He announced that it needed a new battery and turned the car over to work on it. He then told me that he had to go to the battery store and I was the salesman. He asked for a battery, which I "gave" him and he then said, "Thanks, Battery Store Mommy!". HILARIOUS! He then switched gears and gave me a spot to sit and then began asking what I would like to buy. I begin asking for items, which he runs to get in various "storerooms" that I am not allowed in. I know this because he says, "Mommy, stay there! Don't come in my storeroom!". ;-) This lasted for some time before he switched gears one final time and turned into a chef. He asked what I would like for him to cook for me and then "cooked" whatever I requested. This includes having to disappear into other rooms to find "ingredients". He also very seriously informed me that I should not touch the pans because "they are very very hot, Mommy!". So, basically the entire playground visit was not really a playground visit at all. It was more of a shopping/eating expedition in the land of Colin. Once back in the car, he announced, "That was so much fun, Mommy! Now we have to go home and get warm!" :-)

There was a time in the not-so-distant past that I firmly believed that I should have two children exactly two years apart. I don't exactly know where this idea stemmed from, except for my own notion that my two children would be close enough in age to be best friends. You know...like all siblings are in the perfect world that is your imagination. :-) The time came and went for me to accomplish my goal and we were just not ready yet. As time has ticked by, I have come to the realization that I am blessed with this precious time with Colin. I am never EVER going to forget these brief years that I have spent focusing all my attention on my first born. I love that we are buddies who go out on our own little adventures everyday. I love giving him my undivided attention and that he thrives under it. He is going to be a wonderful big brother one day and will be old enough to be my little helper. I know that my second child, whenever God blesses us with him, will not have the same limitless time with me, but he will have the greatest gift in the world and that is Colin. And my sweet little first born angel will always have the relationship with me that only the eldest can know. I think that we are a very lucky family, indeed! (and no...I am not pregnant!) :-)

Little Joys

We are having a wonderful time here in our little world and the weather has a lot to do with it! The sun has managed to come out of hiding and has the crisp quality that it seems to lack in the winter months. The sky is blue with wispy white clouds (cirrus clouds to you, Jer! hehe!) :-) Things are bright again and I am very happy to finally bid adieu to winter and the blahs! It seems as if I have tons to update from the past week, so here we go!

* Jer and I took Colin out to one of our favorite parks for a picnic and play several days ago and had the most beautiful time. Jer pointed out how much Colin has grown as far as his gross motor skills...he no longer needs any help when navigating the playgrounds. He can climb anything and no longer wants us to shadow him. He does request us to slide with him or play with him, but it is because he wants to play rather than needing any help. I don't worry anymore if he is out of my line of vision. He is a playground champ! He will launch himself down the biggest slides he can find with not an ounce of fear. It is wonderful! We followed the park with a trip to the new observation area at the airport where Jer works. It consists of picnic tables and viewing stations that overlook one of the main runways at DFW. They even play the Air Traffic Control over a loudspeaker, which Colin thinks is awesome. It was a great day all the way around.

Colin and Mommy checking out the new observation area.

I love this one...Colin was loving watching the airplanes land.

All smiles during our picnic lunch!

*We met our friends at another park a couple of days ago and I was bubbling over with happiness the entire time. Colin was very happy and had a wonderful time playing with his friends. He was much more open than he has been in recent months and his peace spilled over to me. He ate lunch at the picnic table with everyone rather than asking to sit away from the crowd. At the very beginning he did whisper to me that he wanted to go home, but then seemed to push the thought away and let go. He had a great time. He played "race" with Jack (my friend Eren's son) for a good portion of the time and told me repeatedly that Jack was his friend and they were "having a good time playing". He seems to have just grasped the true meaning of "friend" after we talked so much about it recently. He was, of course, literally overjoyed to see his favorite baby on the planet, Pierce, and told me no less than 100 times that he was having a good time with him. He played on his blanket with him and "helped" him slide. It was so precious. THEN in even bigger news, he went up behind Kim's mom and hugged her around the neck!! That was the first time I have ever seen him hug someone outside the family, so I was overjoyed for him. The afternoon ended with Colin playing airplanes with Hayden in perfectly peaceful accord. Hayden is such a sweet boy and he was willing to share his things with Colin. I am very lucky to have these friends...everyone that I am close to is so good to Colin and that has really helped him (and me!).

Here is one of Colin playing airplane with Hayden. They were so adorable playing together!!

Colin and Jack...they were having a great time digging in the wood chips. They are 100% boy!

Here is easily one of my all-time favorite pictures...Kimberly took this one of Colin and Pierce. She takes beautiful pictures and this one is just so sweet. It perfectly captures how Colin feels about that baby boy! She also took the wonderful picture that I used for my new blog header!

*Yesterday, Colin and I ventured out for a very exciting event...the new library is finally open!! Our weekly visits have been suspended for just over a month now because they were moving everything from the small interim library into the new facility that was just completed. Colin was beside himself to go and it did not disappoint! The building is beautiful and has a big outdoor patio in the back that will probably be a favorite spot for picnics. The story room is so precious and even has a tiny door that only toddlers could fit through! LOVE IT! Colin spent the whole visit picking out books and then going from chair to chair to read them. He would not let me help him, so I managed to get a couple of sweet pictures from the seat across from him. The only downside to the visit was the fact that Colin refused to leave and it came down to me carrying him out kicking and screaming...which is always fun in a quiet library. ;-) I spent 20 minutes trying to get him to come with me and his response was to run from me while weaving in and out of the aisles of books. The tiny makeshift library at City Hall was too small for such shenanigans, so I am going to have to work hard on getting him to behave in the new larger environment. I am glad he loved it so much, but I don't want another chase scene. Whew!

Here is Colin reading...you can see the giant letters on the wall in the background...it spells STORY ROOM and there are little nooks nestled into the letters that kids can sit on. The tiny door is carved into the bottom of the letter R. Absolutely adorable!

We also got his haircut yesterday before we went...he looks like a little marine! We tried a new barbershop, which Colin loved. The haircut is so cute and I love the way the back of his head feels! :-) Such a handsome little man!


Colin was in pure heaven reading all the books. He kept picking out books on animals. :-)

Now that was a long update! :-) This weekend we have tickets to "A Day Out with Thomas" in Grapevine and I can't wait to see how it goes. It will be packed with kids, so there is a solid chance that Colin is going to want to leave immediately. I knew it was a big risk to buy the tickets, but with his love for Thomas, I had to give it a shot. Our friends will all be there with Colin's friends, which may help. Expect an update on that one! :-)

Bring on the Spring!!

FEBRUARY IS OVER! YEA!!! It is officially March and the weather is finally turning around in our neck of the woods. Today was brilliantly sunny and warm and Colin and I took ourselves out for an afternoon at the park. Jer is teaching the late night sessions this week, so I needed to get Colin out and about so that Jer could get some sleep. It was the perfect day to do so and I feel just as refreshed as Colin does. A little vitamin D goes a long way for this mom! I am so happy at the thought of busy days spent in the sunshine!! Spring is the season for picnics and outdoor fun and I am so excited that it seems to be getting underway. January and February are my least favorite months of the year and they always seems to drag on endlessly. March is such a cause for celebration!

Monday night was our big viewing party for "The Bachelor" finale and it was an absolute blast. This season was so much fun because Jake (the bachelor) is from our area and lives just a few houses down from my good friend Kim. We have had the best time joking about everything from jumping his fence to bringing Vienna (his final pick) baked bread and an offer to give her a make-over. HA!! We have been having so much fun making fun of these girls that we got the bright idea to dress up like the actual bachelorettes at those silly rose ceremonies and have our own "most dramatic rose ceremony ever". Lindsey hosted at her house and we dressed up in full bridesmaid attire, complete with teased hair, giant chandelier earrings and the whole nine yards. Lindsey even had a final rose for all of us! It was hysterical! We drank lots of champagne (which required Lindsey's sweet husband to go out for more), ate ourselves silly and laughed the whole night. We watched the majority of the season together on Monday nights and it felt so great to have a chance to laugh and play with friends. I think becoming a mother has taught me to value my friendships with other women so much more. :-) Here we are on Monday night...don't hate us because we are beautiful!

Colin made a major breakthrough at the park today, which was fantastic! There were a lot of little ones out and when we first arrived a little boy slightly older than Colin tried to engage him to play. Colin ran behind me and told me that he was scared. I sat down on a park bench with him and asked him to explain his fear to me. He said, "I'm scared of other people, Mommy". He said that specifically to me a couple of days ago as well. I talked to him about how the little boy was just like him and that other people are not scary at all. We talked about the other kids in relation to him and Colin listened pretty well to what I had to say. I told Colin that the other little boy probably liked to slide just like him. To my utter amazement, Colin ran back up into the play yard and began playing with the other child! Colin spoke to him and asked him if they could slide together!! I almost passed out! They played together for a good while...Colin followed him around and spoke to him on several occasions, asking if he was ready to slide and if he was coming, too. It was wonderful and I was SO PROUD of him. We made our way to another playground where a little girl slightly younger than Colin was playing with her siblings. Colin asked me if he could play with her!! I told him that he absolutely could and he then did the same thing with her...following her around and asking her to slide! They even climbed on a park bench together and sat down side by side! It was just wonderful to see. It felt like a giant step in the right direction. What a great day!

I have been having a wonderful time with Colin lately...I didn't post this last week, but Colin and I spent a great day together that I got adorable pictures of. We had lunch together at McDonald's, which is one of our favorite "date" spots. :-) Colin is hysterical about our lunches together...he begs to go to "Donald's" and gets so excited when we pull into the parking lot. He goes right up to the front and asks for his food. SO CUTE! He also loves to pick out our table, but it is never inside the play area. In fact, about 80% of the time, he skips the play area all together! I don't think it has anything to do with his shyness at all...we usually eat when there are few people even there. He just prefers the dining room atmosphere and gets a kick out of sitting by the windows and talking with me while we eat. I always ask afterwards if he wants to play before we go and usually he says, "No thanks, lets go to the park instead." These moments always make him seem like he is 30. ;-) Anyway, afterwards we headed over to the indoor Safari Park, which he loves so much. In fact, we have been twice in a week! Both times he stayed for over two hours. They have a lot of stuff that he loves, especially all the train/space/castle tables. We spent a long while there and then popped into Panera Bread for cookies and chocolate milk. He really seems to relish our time together and I am trying to soak it all up. I know that I will blink and he will be a teenager who wants nothing to do with his boring old mom. :-)

Here is Colin enjoying his Happy Meal.

Heading down the slide at Safari Park!

Jumping on the trampoline at Safari Park.

Finishing up our date with cookies and chocolate milk!

I am so blessed!

Feeling Better...and a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

First of all, I need to thank my amazing friends for the wonderful comments to my last post. I have read and re-read all of them over and over and I can't tell you how much it means that you all took the time to send me such well thought out messages. I felt far less alone in my worries, not to mention got a huge pick me up from reading them. I almost did not post it at all...mainly because I have never used this blog as a place to vent about things that bother me and was not sure if I wanted to start. I am also very much a "glass half full" kind of girl and don't tend to vocalize things that bother me. I think on the bright side of everything and hate to put a voice to things that are not happy. I am VERY glad that I did because I feel so much better now.

I feel much more at peace with things now, both due to your comments and an email that Jer's mom sent me. Jeremy truly was exactly like Colin is and it makes me feel better to know that the shyness is simply a character trait and not caused by something that I did or did not do. I am so excited for Colin to start his once a week preschool in the fall because I know that it will be an enormous help toward getting comfortable with other children. I think a lot of my worry is because I have never experienced shyness myself and have been second guessing if I am handling such a foreign situation correctly. Colin absolutely has a much different temperament than other toddlers, but I really do think that I am doing all the right things for him...and I am 100% certain that he is a very gifted little soul. I like that he shows a lot of compassion and caring. I adore that he is so in touch with the emotions of others and I love that he likes to keep his mommy close by. :-) I am so proud to be his mother. He may never be the child who likes big playdates and I have a feeling that big groups and crowded events will never be his cup of tea. In fact, Jer is still just like that, which is why I think we work so well together. Opposites do attract! I may be the social butterfly, but he still loves me. ;-) I do think that Colin looks exactly like me, but has his daddy's mind. That is a very good thing because he is truly a brilliant man.

Speaking of the brilliant man, TODAY is his 35th birthday!!! Colin and I put together a little surprise party for him last night and he was totally shocked when he walked in the door from work. I made him one of his favorite dishes, chicken pot pie. It was TOTALLY from scratch, including the crust and chicken that I roasted myself ahead of time. It was the perfect treat because it is a dish heavy with peas, which I don't like. Poor Jer always misses out on anything with peas in the recipe, so I thought it was the perfect birthday present. I have to admit, even with those horrible peas, it was still absolutely fantastic. Jer said it was good enough to serve in a restaurant, so I think it turned out great! Colin and I went to Cabela's while Jer was at work and picked up his present. Colin was so excited when I explained that we were planning a birthday surprise for daddy and he was very involved, which was so special. He personally picked out Jer's card, which had a dump truck and was designed for a 5 year old, but I digress. He also picked out the balloons, sign and hats and even helped me tie the strings to all the balloons. He picked out where to put balloons and which chair would be for daddy...it was so adorable. I had to have help in Cabela's and Colin told the man "We are getting a present for my daddy!". It was a precious afternoon and Jer was totally surprised, which was wonderful! We took him out to his favorite Mexican place for lunch today and then I made another Jer favorite tonight; ginger fried rice. It has been a wonderful time celebrating! I am so lucky for this day because it brought me the love of my life. Happy Birthday to the very best husband and father in the world!!!!!!!

Colin helping Daddy blow out his candles. I accidentally bought the trick kind that kept re-lighting and the dang things got a ton of wax in the food. OOPS!

The birthday cake...er....chicken pot pie. :-) Jer is not a fan of cake. I know, I don't get it either.
Opening his awesome dump truck card and present!

I love the look on Jer's face...he had NO CLUE what we got him and was totally surprised!

Mommy Worries

I am having one of those days. I need to vent and nothing makes me feel better than writing, so here we go. I decided on a whim this morning to take Colin out to a railroad museum that features model trains and a toddler story time. Colin LOVES trains and my mommy group had a playdate scheduled there this morning, so I thought it would be a fun trip. Colin slept great last night after expending a good deal of energy chasing after his older cousins and it seemed like the perfect morning to go for a trip. The event was on the other side of the Metroplex, almost a full hour from home. When we arrived, Colin was jumping up and down in his car seat exclaiming "Trains!! My favorite!!" and I thought that he was going to have a blast. Unfortunately, I was mistaken. As soon as we walked in the door, he saw other people. This spelled disaster. The little museum was adorable, but rather small, and it was full of other moms, toddlers and siblings. Colin is such a shy little boy, and he would not let me put him down. He saw some of our good friends, but it did not make up for the crowded feeling that he so dislikes. He began chanting immediately that he wanted to go home and I made a real effort to calm him down by pointing out the different model trains and other displays. He lasted about 15 minutes and ended up at the door begging to leave. I walked outside with him in a last attempt to calm his nerves and he spotted the attached playground close by. He perked up immediately and was all smiles as he ran through the blustery cold wind toward the park. He played there for a good half hour while I shivered (I did not bring my coat...oops!) and asked repeatedly if he would go back inside for the story. He vehemently refused. We ended up leaving before I was able to say goodbye to anyone and I was that mother again...the one who disappears after mere minutes at a playdate. These situations are always the hardest for me. Colin was not doing anything wrong at all and of course did absolutely nothing that required punishing. I can't force Colin to have fun somewhere and I certainly can't force him to not be shy...nor would I want to. I love everything about who he is and would not change him at all. I internally debate myself sometimes wondering what the right steps are to make Colin feel more comfortable in his surroundings. There are times when it is right to push Colin, but there are also times that I know the situation cannot be recovered. I can judge that almost the instant that we arrive somewhere...if he is slightly shy or cowering, I can push him to try what is making him nervous and he will warm up and enjoy himself. If we walk in the door and he immediately starts crying and clinging to me like a baby monkey, it is pretty much over right off the bat. I keep trying new things however...I am not going to give up. Even though I can't fully judge what will bother him and what he will tolerate, I still have to give everything a shot. I don't want Colin to miss out on the world because of his sensitives. It is hard because I can't pinpoint exactly what will bother him. He loves going out with me and we have such happy days together. He does not mind being in crowded restaurants or play places of any kind. He loves Chuck E. Cheese, McDonald's and any and every park. He gets upset when there are other people involved in an outing...places that we are interacting with people he does not know very well or he feels crowded or overwhelmed in any way. We can be with friends that Colin knows well, but the event itself may overwhelm him. It is hard for me to explain in writing and harder still to get the thoughts into the correct words.

Sometimes I feel alone...I suppose that is the right word for it. I don't have any friends with children who display sensitivities like Colin does and I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I think a lot about how to raise Colin, how to introduce him to things that bother him and how to teach him. He is such a sensitive, brilliant and complex child and there are times that I feel like I am going about everything wrong....it is in those moments that I wish I had someone to bounce ideas off of. When I arrive at a playdate and all the other two year old boys run off and start playing and Colin stands paralyzed at my side, it hurts my heart a little. Not because I mind Colin being shy, because I don't at all, but because I hope that I am doing the right things to make him happy. He is so loud and funny and silly...he is almost the opposite child of the one people see when we go out. He is, however, sensitive at all times. When he is punished for something, the only thing he is concerned about is me and if I am "still sad" and "are you happy now, Mommy?". He cannot stand for someone to seem upset at all. He is so vocal and precious and brilliant and also painfully shy when faced with certain things in the outside world. It is so hard to put into words and now I am just rambling. I don't think there is a bottom line to this stream of thought...I just find myself standing in the back of whatever event we attend with a precious little boy paralyzed by shyness and fear. I want to take that away for him, but I can't...or don't know how. I don't want to change him, but I do want to help him.

Jer has told me that he felt much the same way that Colin does when he was little, so I don't worry too much. Jer turned out to be a brilliant, funny, amazing man despite being a shy little boy. :-) I can handle the world with another Jeremy, that's for sure! Heck, maybe the whole problem is simply that Colin has such an extrovert for a mother that he just seems shy in comparison! ;-)

Pain Update!

I didn't want to worry friends and family who read my blog, so I thought I should update this asap. I just spoke to my doctor who got the results from everything and I am just fine. It turns out that I have a small ovarian cyst on my right ovary that apparently is causing the pain. It is nothing serious and should probably go away on it's own. If I am still hurting in a week, he suggests checking in with my ob/gyn about it. He said it is nothing to be alarmed about, but they can be painful. So there you have it! I will live! :-)

Lots of Stuff, Not Necessarily in Order!

I can't believe that I let two weeks pass without posting. I HATE it when I do that. Our giant snow storm prompted me to finally post a few days ago, but I am just not happy about the big gap. There are several reasons for my disappearing act, the main being that Colin does not take naps anymore. I always posted during Colin's naps...even if I could not get a post finished, I could at least get it well underway. Then when I put Colin to bed at night, I could quickly tie up the loose ends of the post and get it up. I don't have a moment to myself during the day anymore, which means that when Colin goes to bed, I have loads of things to do. If I sit back on the computer and post, I don't get any time with Jer. Therefore, I have not been posting. I have to re-organize my time during the day and work on posts in little intervals when I have a free moment rather than wait for a large chunk of time to devote to writing. I started my cooking blog and have made no less than 50 meals that have gone unposted. I just have to prioritize and spending some precious time with Jer comes before writing about my dinner escapades. All of this made me think about Pioneer Woman...how on God's green earth does that woman work a ranch, home school four children, keep up two giantly famous blogs, and cook all of that food???? She is obviously a supermom and there are moments when I look down at the sweatpants that I have been wearing for 3 days straight and wonder if I am doing a good job. I think that all mothers worry about this, so I know that I am not alone. Plus, winter gives me the blah's. So that is part of my problem, too. :-)

In other absolutely not fun news, I am currently undergoing all kinds of tests to figure out what is causing a big pain in my side...literally! I started hurting on Sunday evening and it has not let up at all, although it has not gotten worse. I just have a really annoying pain on my right side, sort of right in the middle of my side. I had a CAT scan yesterday that included drinking large amounts of something called "barium", which was not fun. So far they have found gallstones, which makes me feel old. :-) I had an ultrasound this afternoon to get a better look at my gallbladder and hope to have more answers soon. It is hard to chase a two year old around when your side constantly hurts, but I feel very lucky that it seems to be nothing serious at all. I was worried it was my appendix or kidney stones and I am VERY glad that neither of those are the problem!!

Jer's step-brother Andy and his family are in town at the moment and we shared dinner with them last night at my in-laws house. It was a WONDERFUL night, even with the pain in my side! Andy and his wife Sue are the sweetest people and their sons, Jake and Noah, are the most precious boys. They are so amazingly well-behaved and they were incredibly sweet to Colin. In fact, Colin has been talking about them all day long. They were so patient with Colin and showered him with attention, which made the night so lovely. Colin was taken with everyone and during his "goodnights" last night, he added Andy, Sue, Jake and Noah in without my prompting. It was absolutely precious! Another family friend was also in attendance and she had her four year old daughter Katie there as well. Watching Colin play with all the kids reminded me how much fun I can look forward to when Colin has a sibling. He does not need my constant attention when he plays with other children and he seems so happy. I am looking forward to the day that we have another little one around here!

Oh, and I can't forget to add that I attended a surprise 30th birthday party for my very good friend Kimberly last Saturday! A big group of us showed up at Kim's parents house right as they finished up their "Valentine's" dinner and I think we got her good!! :-) Jer had to stay home with Colin, but I still had the best night celebrating with Kim. I absolutely adore my precious friends! Here we are being giant dorks, which is EXACTLY why I love these girls. It makes my heart happy! :-) We have big plans coming up in March to attend Phantom of the Opera in Dallas, complete with dress up clothes and dinner! I literally cannot wait!!