To My Four Year Old

Dear Colin,

Today, you are four years old. It has been four breathtaking years since I welcomed you into this crazy world and it feels like moments ago...and forever ago, too. It is hard to remember a me without you. You have always amazed me, but this year...you have blown me away. You know how I am and it will come as no shock to you that I am a sappy mess over this whole business of being 4. Maybe you are 16 while reading this and laughing at the fact that I have said something to that effect on every single one of your birthdays. Maybe you are 35 and shaking your head in disbelief that you were once so small and your mama was so overwhelmed by love for you. Let me assure you that no matter how old you are at this moment, I am still amazed by the fact that God gave you to me. I am still certain that you hung the moon and stars by yourself. I am convinced that you are the most handsome, brilliant, wonderful man that ever existed. I still want to wrap you up in my arms and absorb every pain and heartache that you ever experience. It doesn't matter what year it is or where we are...you will always be my miracle.

As for right now, you are the cutest little boy of all time. :-) You are such an interesting cross between a baby and a big kid. You frequently say things like, "Your baby needs you to hold him" and then "I am a big boy, I can do it myself!" in the next breath. You are so funny! You love to tell jokes that make absolutely no sense and you make up words all the time. You still have deep dimples that melt everyone that meets you, but you have grown taller and very lanky. You are so skinny that I have trouble buying pants for you...if they fit in the waist, they are way too short! You were such a rolly polly baby that I never expected you to turn into such a lean boy, but lean you are! I think you get it from my grandfather, Mimi's daddy. Your face is so expressive and when you talk, you always shoot your eyebrows to the top of your head and cock your head to the side to make sure I know you are serious. You wave your hands around when you speak and you talk far FAR beyond your years. We forget how advanced you are in your speech and I love it when your therapists report to me about how you surprised them in one way or another. Sheri in particular...she always comes out of the room with you, her eyes wide in amazement, telling me something you said that was brilliant. Yesterday, we took you to lunch at Tang's, which is one of our favorite Asian places. As we were eating, Daddy asked you if you wanted some rice, to which you replied "No thanks, Dad...I'm not really much of a rice guy". I laughed so hard that I almost choked.

You are so brilliant. I know that I say it all the time, but I am amazed by it sometimes. You accept NOTHING as fact without asking a million questions about it. You need to know the whole story...why things are the way they are. You asked me completely out of the blue the other day why some animals are born without eyes. I don't know where you even got the idea to ask that, but before I could answer, you said "I think that some animals must be born with birth defects, like Duke's ear drum. It just happens sometimes". (And yes, my dad was born without an ear drum. Colin knows that because he is Colin.) As I am typing this, literally right this second, you walked in from the living room and asked me where people washed their hands before sinks were invented. I told you that people used rivers and streams to wash up before indoor plumbing. You looked at me for a moment and then said, "How about before rivers were invented?" and I told you that God made rivers when he made the earth, so they were always around. He finally nodded his agreement and went back to watch Backyardigans. Right now, that happened. While I am writing about how smart you are. You are on a kick about when things were invented and what people did before. I love that. I am actually a little nervous that I will somehow fail you because I am not smart enough. I wonder how I will keep up with you and if I can avoid you finding out that I am just an average girl who cared far more about dance class than algebra. I already google at least one thing a day because I don't even begin to know the answer. That can only go downhill from here!

We still follow the exact same bedtime routine with me laying beside you while you fall asleep. We are thinking about getting you twin bunk beds this year in order to give you more space in your room. I am wondering if that switch is how you will make the transition to falling asleep alone. We shall see. You take off your own clothes, but still need help getting them on. You love to play all kinds of things and you are amazing at pretend play. You love vehicles of any kind, but almost all of your play involves helping someone. When you ask to play race cars, you always stage a huge wreck that requires a fire truck and ambulance to save the cars. You even make up a hospital and assign cars to be the doctor and nurse. You convinced me to buy a dollhouse a couple of months ago and you very carefully picked out every bit of furniture for it, which is so you. You like to arrange the furniture and pretend that it is where your firemen go after work. That is so very you...you like to play "real life" things and reenact daily life. You love to play chef and store and lifeguard. You like army men, rescue teams, firemen and space. You have a doll named Lucy, who you treat like a daughter...you feed her, put her to bed and frequently make her your "kiddo" while we play. Like you make me hold her when I go through the "drive through" so that I can order her a kids meal. It makes me laugh every time. You are a caregiver at heart and your play always reflects that.

You love school, you love your teachers and you love your friends. You ask about people all the time and wonder how they are doing. Today, you said, "We haven't seen Scarlett in a while...we should play with her!", totally out of the blue. You will see a toy at the store and say, "Mom! I have a good idea! Let's get that for Ruthie!" If we pass by someone holding a baby, you will say without fail, "Mama, look at that cute baby! Did you see him? Wasn't he so cute?!" You are a good sweet boy and I am literally bursting at the seams with pride that I am your mama. I honestly feel like you are an extra special creation of God and that for some reason, He decided that I got to have you. You will always be the greatest thing that I have ever done. ALWAYS. I love you, peanut.

Here you are at your school birthday celebration...Miss Gina made your crown for you!

Holding Miss Evi...who has clearly become your cat. :-)

I mean, she let's you do things like this. That is real love.

Happy 4th Birthday to you, Colin!