Colin at 25 Months

We are getting a new roof. It is LOUD. VERY VERY LOUD. Luckily they are close to finishing as we speak and I am so glad to finally have this mess taken care of! The new roof is courtesy of the hail storm from hell last spring and I can't express how much I never want to see hail again. For reasons that I can't fathom, Colin is currently sleeping as they machine gun nails overhead. The child wakes up if you crack a diet coke can, but sleeps through roofing. Only me. :-)

I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that the best part of being a mother is watching your child become his own person. I watch in awe at how fast he is growing and changing and I love to lay in bed at night and wonder what his future holds. What will his passion be? Will he play a sport? Love to read like me? Be a science geek like his dad? :-) There is nothing like a tiny baby in your arms, but it is even more amazing to see Colin as my little boy instead of an infant. Colin is turning into his own little man. There are several things that I have made note of lately, not the least of which is that I have been wrong about him. Colin and I spend a lot of time out and about now, playing with kids his age and in busy places. Every single time that we go out, a mother will lean in and say something to the effect of:

Is he always so quiet?
He is very shy!
He is a thinker, huh?
You have an introspective little one!

That last one was from yesterday when I took Colin to an indoor play park. Normally, the first thing out of my mouth is, "Oh no! Not at all! He is just quiet/shy/introspective when he first gets to a new place!". It hit me yesterday like a ton of bricks that I am quite wrong about this and I don't know how I have been so insane. Colin is absolutely a quiet thinker and extremely sensitive and will probably be called "introspective" at some point later in life. In the comfort of his own home, of course he is loud and silly. We are his home base! How Colin lives in the outside world is obviously a giant part of who he is and that part is without a doubt very sensitive and shy. He is a watcher...he closely watches everything and everyone around him. He inspects everything with precision and takes his time checking things out. When he plays with train tables, for example, he keeps a serious look on his face and does not tend to giggle or rough house with the trains. He will play happily forever with the trains on the track, while carefully putting them in the compartments and sliding them down the track. We have encountered several boys around Colin's age during these outings that play very rough. This is not a bad thing, boys are boys and toddlers at that! Yesterday, one boy was very pushy and shoved Colin away from the table. Colin stepped back and looked at him with a face that was clearly shocked. He did not cry or push back, but rather just stared at him like he was a bit crazy. ;-) He does not run up and take things away from other kids, as a lot of the toddlers his age do. That is not to say that he won't transition into a phase like that down the road, but for now, he is much more of a lover than a fighter. :-) He is very sensitive, however, and once he decides that a place is too loud or rough, he will let you know he is ready to go. He is not a big fan of strangers touching him and he likes to take his time to get to know people before he gives them his two dimpled smile. Most of all, he does not like to be pushed or rough housed with by other kids, especially ones he just meets. Despite the shyness that he has in public, he loves to go to new places and is always the first one to go check out everything he sees. He absolutely does not like to sit in a chair and watch movies. We took him to the IMAX movie "Dolphins" last week and he lasted about 10 minutes. He would have watched the whole movie if he had been allowed to move seats when he wanted and check out all the stairs and speakers and projectors. He likes to walk around, try everything out, experience everything by feeling it and seeing it up close. He is very sweet and loving. His obsession with babies continues with him announcing "baby!" when he spots an infant carrier while we are out. He says "HUG MOM!" and holds his hands out when he wants to put his arms around me. There have been several moments in the last few weeks when I have had to reprimand him for something and he shocks me with "I sorry, Mom". I can't express how that melts my heart. He talks in these sweet little sentences now and surprises us with how funny he can be. He will offer you a cookie, but if you go to take it, he will grab it away and then roll with laughter. He asks to "get cozy" and will pull the covers over both of us in bed to watch his shows. When we are laying together, he will pat my hair and the side of my face very lightly and say "Mommy, Mommy" in a sing song little voice. He has turned into a beautiful, precious little boy who I just can't imagine life without. For all of these quiet, sweet things he does, he still jumps on the furniture, yells at the top of his lungs and throws giant tantrums when I won't let him do something he wants. I must emphasize that he is no less a "terrible two" than the rest of them! However, beyond that inevitable part of him, he is such an interesting and brilliant little man.

Making Memories

I am a complete sap. Always have been and always will be. I get this trait from my father, who is the king of sappiness. My Daddy and I are cut from the same cloth, physically as well as mentally. I operate in a constant state of strange awareness...knowing that whatever moment happens to be unfolding at that time needs to be memorized and filed away in the "precious memory" area of my brain less the details become foggy, or (gasp!) I forget it. I have been especially hyper-sensitive since I started staying home with Colin. First of all, I am well aware that the young moments of Colin's life are fleeting and I am forever trying to commit to memory the sights and sounds of him being a little one. I also know that the days of being at home, one-on-one with Colin, are numbered as well. Colin is going to get older, go to kindergarten, and hopefully sooner than that, get a sibling. Right now I am not pregnant and not about to be and Colin and I are a little team that spends our days together. My nature dictates that at least once a day I think inwardly about how much I love this and how much I love Colin and how much I am going to miss these days. It is amazing that functioning in such a constant state of sappiness is even possible.

Which brings me, ultimately, to this morning. Colin has been sleeping in until almost 7:30am for a couple of weeks now. (yes, utterly blissful and I totally deserve it, thanks for asking!) Today he woke up in an even better mood than normal. We started our morning routine with a warm bottle of milk and then breakfast. He adores bananas and ate a whole one while barely touching his pancake. I cleaned his hands and sat him on the floor to clean up his chair and he began running around the house, picking up various toys and running them back to me, chubby arms outstretched, and squealing with glee. I have started doing the exaggerated "Thank YOU!" when he brings me things, so he brings me items on top of items and then laughs and laughs at my "Thank YOU!". His pajamas don't match this morning. His room gets frosty cold at night and he won't keep his blanket around him, so last night I put on his long Aggie pants and a short sleeve "alien" covered sleep shirt. As he is running around bringing me things, he starts talking to me, stringing all of his little sounds together in "Colin Speak" and babbling away. So here we are, Colin running around with his meaty little feet slapping the floor while he squeals and squawks and laughs, holding 5 stuffed animals and his orange comb, wearing non matching pj's with his curls sticking up all over the place from bed head, making me love him even more than yesterday. I ran to the blog to write it down, attempt to explain how much I love him, find words to create a picture of the moment in my head, all so that twenty years from now I can remember what it felt like to love a wacky little peanut more than life itself.

Now that I think about it, I might have even my father beat on the sappiness. :-)

Learning About Myself

Okay, so I am almost through my third consecutive week as a stay-at-home mother. And I have learned a few very important things about myself.

1. I took my job entirely too seriously. I jumped into my career at the ripe old age of 22 and never looked back. I am proud of being good at what I did, but I let the career become me. My whole existance was wrapped up in who I was at work. It was unhealthy and I know that now. I loved my job so much that I forgot it was important to have other things in your life. I will remember that.

2. I am a good cook. I always thought that I was a horrible cook and it turns out the problem simply revolved around what I wrote in number 1. I spent so much time at work that there was never time to do something like practice cooking. Turns out that not only do I do a pretty good job, but I also enjoy it! I find it cathartic.

3. I could be happy like this for the rest of my life. I always said that I would not be the type of woman who could happily stay home. I thought I would go crazy and be unfulfilled or something like that. As it turns out, I was wrong on so many levels. Nothing that I have ever done in my whole life compares to spending my days with this little boy. He completes me and makes me realize how unimportant so much of what I used to do actually was. I love each and every moment that I spend with him and I am so thankful that I am getting to do it. Sadly, I will have to go back to work someday (unless I win the lottery). But at least I will have each of these days as a memory. I was meant to be a mommy. Bottom line.

4. I need to write again. I got lost in my sales career and stopped writing. That was my true passion and I am going to do it again, somehow! Even though I love sales and will go back, I will still write. I am not going to lose myself into my career again. I am going to remember to keep other parts of me, like being a mommy and a writer.

There are tons of other insights that I could add here, but since Colin fell asleep at 6:45pm (good lord!), I better get some sleep before he wakes me up. There will be more to come as I am learning a whole hell of a lot about myself these days.