A Memory

I am sad tonight because I just found out that Jack Kemp passed away. He was a former pro quarterback and US Congressman, but more than that, he holds a special place in my childhood memories. Jack Kemp was running for President in 1988 and during the primaries, I was 10 years old. He was part of Reagan's team and my dad adored him. He made a stop in my little hometown, at the small local airport, to make a speech. My father took me with him to hear it. I can remember the moment so well...it is imprinted in my mind flawlessly. It is one of my first major memories and my first experience with politics, the US government, history...you name it, it was a first. It was a very "big girl" thing to do and I was so excited. I was a Daddy's girl and worshiped the ground he walked on. (still do!) I was thrilled beyond belief because it was just me and my dad going....no mom and no little sisters. Just me and Daddy, skipping school to do very important daddy/daughter business. I remember the crowd was huge, or at least it was in my 10 year old mind. I was tiny for my age in those days and I recall very well that I could not see a single thing and I was clinging to my dad's hand. Finally, the speech was over and everyone was clapping and waving flags and it was very loud and chaotic to my little self. I was upset because I had yet to lay eyes on Mr. Kemp and I wanted to be apart of everything. My dad grabbed me and tossed me up on his shoulders so that I could see the stage. Suddenly I was high above the crowd and there was Mr. Kemp, waving from the podium and shaking hands. He looked up right as my dad lifted me and we caught eyes. This whole moment is frozen in time for me....he smiled and started walking toward me. The crowd parted for him automatically and everyone turned to look at who he was heading for. It was me! He walked right up to me and shook my hand, holding it in both of his big ones. I don't remember the details of our conversation, just him introducing himself to me and saying my name perfectly back, which nobody ever could do. I remember the warmth of his eyes and his sweet smile...how genuinely happy he looked to see me and how very nice he was to me. I felt like a star when the whole crowd started cheering around us. I decided at that moment, in all the wisdom of my ten years, that I was in love with Jack Kemp. I was extremely proud and decided immediately that the day could not possibly be topped. I was hooked on politics from that moment and I followed that election like it was between the New Kids On the Block. I was devastated when Kemp lost the primaries to George Bush. I was bound and determined that Kemp would be President and I would be able to walk around school telling everyone that the leader of the free world was also my close personal friend. It was not to be, but it continued to be a famed story in my household and as the years went on, Kemp would hold lots of offices and frequently show up on the news. Much to the chagrin of my whole family, I would always loudly announce, "Everyone be quiet! My friend Jack is on the news!" or something equally annoying. If Kemp was speaking, I could be counted on to lean into your ear and whisper loudly, "You know he knows me, right??". It was a moment that has carried on in our family folklore. Tonight I called my parents to make sure they heard the news. My mom and dad got on speaker phone and we were talking about it. I had to add, "You know, we were close. Meeting me was probably a big deal for him.". My mom said with the certainty that only a mother can muster, "I am absolutely sure that it was. Absolutely." :-) It was a really big deal for me.

Making Memories

I am a complete sap. Always have been and always will be. I get this trait from my father, who is the king of sappiness. My Daddy and I are cut from the same cloth, physically as well as mentally. I operate in a constant state of strange awareness...knowing that whatever moment happens to be unfolding at that time needs to be memorized and filed away in the "precious memory" area of my brain less the details become foggy, or (gasp!) I forget it. I have been especially hyper-sensitive since I started staying home with Colin. First of all, I am well aware that the young moments of Colin's life are fleeting and I am forever trying to commit to memory the sights and sounds of him being a little one. I also know that the days of being at home, one-on-one with Colin, are numbered as well. Colin is going to get older, go to kindergarten, and hopefully sooner than that, get a sibling. Right now I am not pregnant and not about to be and Colin and I are a little team that spends our days together. My nature dictates that at least once a day I think inwardly about how much I love this and how much I love Colin and how much I am going to miss these days. It is amazing that functioning in such a constant state of sappiness is even possible.

Which brings me, ultimately, to this morning. Colin has been sleeping in until almost 7:30am for a couple of weeks now. (yes, utterly blissful and I totally deserve it, thanks for asking!) Today he woke up in an even better mood than normal. We started our morning routine with a warm bottle of milk and then breakfast. He adores bananas and ate a whole one while barely touching his pancake. I cleaned his hands and sat him on the floor to clean up his chair and he began running around the house, picking up various toys and running them back to me, chubby arms outstretched, and squealing with glee. I have started doing the exaggerated "Thank YOU!" when he brings me things, so he brings me items on top of items and then laughs and laughs at my "Thank YOU!". His pajamas don't match this morning. His room gets frosty cold at night and he won't keep his blanket around him, so last night I put on his long Aggie pants and a short sleeve "alien" covered sleep shirt. As he is running around bringing me things, he starts talking to me, stringing all of his little sounds together in "Colin Speak" and babbling away. So here we are, Colin running around with his meaty little feet slapping the floor while he squeals and squawks and laughs, holding 5 stuffed animals and his orange comb, wearing non matching pj's with his curls sticking up all over the place from bed head, making me love him even more than yesterday. I ran to the blog to write it down, attempt to explain how much I love him, find words to create a picture of the moment in my head, all so that twenty years from now I can remember what it felt like to love a wacky little peanut more than life itself.

Now that I think about it, I might have even my father beat on the sappiness. :-)

A Day In The Life and Lots of Other Stuff

Today was very much a Monday. I used Colin's morning nap time to plan out the menu for the week and make my grocery list. I made lunch today using the chicken breasts that were in the "freeze or use now" zone and it was pretty tasty! Since I began cooking in earnest last January, I have slowly gotten better at making random creations out of stuff I find in the fridge. I used to require a strict recipe to do anything, but I am getting much more crafty as I spend more time in the kitchen. Today I made the chicken into a parmesan cream dish that I served with the end of a box of whole wheat penne pasta. It was a perfect portion for Colin and I to share for lunch with just enough left over for Jer to take to work tomorrow. I don't usually full out "cook" at lunch and Colin and I both enjoyed the change today.

We then made our trip to Wal-Mart for the groceries. I don't like doing grocery shopping there at all, and even after all these months of being a stay-at-home mom, I still hate it. The prices are so much less than a regular grocery store that I have to keep doing it, but it remains my least favorite concession to budget conscience living. I think my mental block comes from growing up with a father who ran a small-ish local grocery chain. I am used to a small store full of friendly people, parking close, getting a free cookie for the little ones, having my groceries taken to the car by a sweet 16 year old at his first real job...just the nice southern small town grocery experience. My dad is still running the show at that grocery chain and I still love shopping there when I go home for a visit. We have two Wal-Marts to choose from relatively close by and both of them are packed no matter what hour of what day you go. I always have to park what feels like 10 miles from the entrance and lug poor Colin around in the white-hot heat of the day. The aisles are teeming with people and carts and children running loose and just general chaos. The layout annoys me since I have to walk 400 miles from the "grocery" area to the complete opposite end of Dallas...er....the store to get get dog food or pharmacy stuff. Today I really needed to get some stuff from the "girl" section, but as I stood in the produce area and looked down the length of the store with Colin shouting "IN-SO! IN-SO!" at everyone that passed by, I just decided to leave it for later. I do that almost every time I am there...if I need something that is non-grocery, I will leave it for a separate trip since I consider anything that needs to be purchased from the other end like going to the Olympics in Beijing. Every now and then I will treat myself to a visit to the lovely Tom Thumb and I always have to laugh to myself that I seriously get excited to buy groceries at Tom Thumb. When I become a world famous novelist, I swear I am going back to doing all shopping at places that stock impressive selections of imported cheeses and good wine. I will be a food snob again, world!! :-)

After our illustrious shopping trip, Colin took a short nap and I worked on dinner. I made a simple veggie bake for Colin that consisted of a frozen bag of broccoli and cauliflower (you can use any mix that you like) that I steamed and then mixed with one can of cream of celery soup and one tub of garden veggie flavored cream cheese. Once mixed, I poured it into a small 8-inch baking dish and crumbled one bag of croutons (crushed up) onto the top. I baked it at 350 for about 20 minutes. It was creamy and yummy and Colin loved it! It was SO EASY and we have plenty of leftovers for the little man. I am always pleased to find new ways to get veggies in Colin, so I wanted to get this out there for my fellow mommies. I made pizzas for Jer and I that I copied from the new specialty pizza place by our house. I used an herbed focaccia crust that I topped with sauteed pears, grilled sirloin, and Gorgonzola cheese. It turned out really really good and I am very proud of myself tonight. Jer and I had their house special pizza a couple of weeks ago and I have been craving it ever since. I think my version turned out really close to the original and I will make it again for sure. Oh, and Dana now has me reading Pioneer Woman and I am trying some of her stuff this week. So hopefully I will have more to report on the food front soon!

As this post continues to ramble on with my random thoughts, I would like to add that the upcoming Beverly Hills, 90210 spin-off is officially freaking me out. I watched all 10 years of that show since I was in high school when they were and it followed my age group exactly. I was 15 years old and in love with Luke Perry...you know, the whole nine yards. SO, now the show is coming back and "Brenda" and "Kelly" are in it for sure and at first I was giddy (and a little embarrassed to be excited about something so silly). Tonight, I caught a preview on television and the old characters are now the "parents" and "teachers" and "grown-ups" and while they are probably going to be fairly hip, they are still going to be the voice of reason amidst the rebellion of youth. WHEN did I get old enough for THIS? When did I become the age group that was grown-up?? Obviously I have known for some time that I was not the target market for MTV anymore since I don't believe boys should wear skinny jeans, but this 90210 thing has me feeling very old tonight. I think I better just buy the original series DVDs and pretend it is 1994 instead.

Musings

Sometimes the changes in my baby are so subtle that nobody but me would notice them. Nothing but tiny details that flicker past me during the day...the way he looks at someone or the way he notices what I point out to him. He is growing into a child and I am so happy and so scared and so excited all at the same time. I don't have a newborn baby anymore and that fact is hitting me suddenly, like a giant light bulb slowly coming to life over my head...making that crackling noise that a classroom fluorescent makes when you first turn it on. Colin watched a little boy at the pool today so intently, his eyes darting with every splash and jump, his body tense with the need to jump with him. I could see it in his face and feel it in his muscles...this desire to be bigger, stronger, more independent from me. I watch all the children at the pool and in my head I am putting them all into categories in perspective to my son. It is like a running ticker sliding constantly across my mind:

That boy is Colin next summer...that one is the summer after next...that baby is
Colin last winter...that one is Colin in 5 years...10 years...how old are the
ones on the slide...will Colin be that rough, probably not, I was a sensitive
child...then again, maybe...is he 16....he seems so old...are those girls old
enough to have so little on...God, did I just think that??

While this little thought parade marches through my head, sweet Colin stands on the side of the beach area where he can pound his little palms on the "Do Not Dive" sign. The simple act of watching the water splash over the words makes him so happy. He looks back at me every now and then and laughs and I laugh with him. I hover beside him and he turns around and takes drunken baby steps into my arms and then pushes away again, back to inspecting the tiny bits of gravel around the diving sign. We sit like this for what seems like a long time, just me and my baby boy. I have another month to call him my newborn. I am certain that he will forever be my baby boy.

(just as a heads up...as Colin's birthday approaches, I will get even more mushy :-)