Saturday, March 16, 2013


Your last moment in my BIG belly - hospital bound!

Dear Preston,
We are in the last days of winter, 2013.  Next Wednesday, it will officially be Spring.  This means that the season that brought us YOU is almost over.  I waited an ETERNITY for the winter of Preston Dean Shaffer.  My Christmas angel.  My second son.  My baby.  I almost thought you would never truly be fact, I worried for your entire pregnancy.  I have never wanted anything quite so much.  You are the rest of our family and we all just needed you to BE. HERE. 
The morning of December 21st dawned early and COLD.  I was very happy about that because you were my Christmas baby, after all, and I needed swirling snow and hot cider and Christmas lights and it just needed to be wintry!  If you are old enough to read this, you know me very well and are not the least bit surprised by my perfectly imagined birth day.  Anyway, we went to Baylor Grapevine before the sun came up, just as we had with your brother.  I was sent back to triage and set up with my IV and fluids and everything went just as it had before.  Have I mentioned how nice it was the second time around?  I wasn't stressed, I knew the drill and I was just happy.  I had already taken care of everything for Christmas and we were FINALLY at the hospital and ready to meet you!!  We watched the news on the television above our heads and watched the clock ticking toward 8:00am, which was my scheduled c-section time.  Dr. White arrived, looking fit and dapper as always, and told me that the OR was running a bit behind schedule, but I would be ready to go soon.  It was about 8:30 when they finally took me back for surgery.  My time in surgery was oddly funny and endearing this time around...I was very suddenly quite nervous when the anesthesiologist arrived and all the hustling around began.  He was a great big bear of a man and he was busily talking about his family from Wisconsin coming in for Christmas and how he wanted them to stop on the way and bring him Runza sandwiches. I happened to work previously with several companies from Wisconsin and had to pipe in that I knew about the famous Runza sandwiches.  All the while, as I am getting my spinal and being laid down and prepped, the whole room is talking about Christmas, sandwiches and whose family was coming and when.  I remember someone talking about having family showing up that afternoon and she hoped her kids were at home cleaning the house.  Now, I am no fool.  I was well aware that all this mindless chatter, which literally did not cease for a second, was meant to keep me calm and focused away from what was happening.  Which I thought was incredibly sweet and I will always remember it.  Once they let Dad back in the room, I knew it was really time.  The surgery was mercifully quick and while I admit to feeling a bit sicker this time while things were going on, it wasn't too bad.  And then, suddenly, with the loudest cry that I have EVER heard, you were here.  YOU!!  WERE!!  HERE!!  Dr. White held you over to me and I saw you screaming and I have never in my life felt such relief and joy and happiness at once.  There are no words to explain the feeling of seeing your healthy child for the first time.  It is honestly as though God opened the heavens and shined his light into my soul.  I started laughing and crying at the same time.  It was a whirlwind after that.  Your father decided to watch the remainder of the surgery on the other side of the curtain standing beside Dr. White.  Of course he did.  We are old friends with my sweet doctor now and he knew Dad was into watching and actually invited him over.  How he remains to treat me normally after seeing literally all of my internal organs is beyond me.  :-) 

After the surgery, I spent a long time in post op with you.  As it turns out, every pregnant woman in the area was trying to have their babies before Christmas and the place was PACKED.  It was 2pm before I even got a room!!  So we spent all morning and part of the afternoon in post op.  They finally decided to let us bring family back there, so your grandparents and Colin all got to meet you while crammed into the little shared area where they wheel you after surgery.  It was ridiculous and funny and I couldn't care less because YOU! WERE! HERE

 You were so tiny at 7lbs, 5 oz.  You were a whole pound smaller than your brother was!  And you were just the most precious little thing!!  Preston, you were just absolute perfection personified.  You are without a doubt the most wonderful Christmas present I have ever or will ever receive.  You are truly our gift from God.

Colin was over the moon when he finally got to meet you.  He had been waiting so patiently for so long...almost every night for years he would pray to God for a baby brother.  He would ask me tough questions that broke my heart into a thousand pieces.  "Mom, maybe God doesn't think I would be a good big brother.  Is that why we don't have a baby?"  Oh, Preston...he wanted you so badly and I just knew that you were coming.  Down deep inside, I just knew.  Colin was in love the moment he met you.  I am so glad that you have each other.  It does my soul good to know that when I leave this earth, I will leave you both together.  (When I am very VERY old, mind you!) You will always have each other.  Lord knows that you will drive each other crazy, but I know that you will love each other deeply and forever. 

So, my sweet second son, baby of our house, and final member of our little family - now YOU! ARE!HERE!  And we get to start our lives together, just the four of us, the way we were meant to be.  I am already a little wistful about how much time has gone will be three whole months old next week...but I am excited to head into your first Spring and all the rest of our seasons together.  I don't know how old you are right now as you read this post.  Maybe a teenager?  A grown-up?  It's hard to even imagine you any bigger than the 14 pound chubby bear that is snoring in the sleeper beside my bed as I type these words.  But then again, it was only days ago that I couldn't imagine you any bigger than 7 lbs.  I'm going to always want to freeze you in time, at every stage, because I always think that it can't get any better and you can't get any more amazing.  And then you do.  I love you so much, little bear.  FOREVER! 

All My Love, Mom


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