Tuesday, March 26, 2013

When a Blessing Surprises You

Nights have been tough around here lately.  I am still trying to find my footing when it comes to getting both of my children to bed at night.  Preston is practically sleeping though the night at this point, waking anywhere between 3-5am for his feeding and then going back to sleep until 7:30ish.  It's AWESOME and I am NOT COMPLAINING!  I still can't believe he is already doing so well!!  The only problem is that he is not going to bed until about 9:30pm and he is a fussy little man at night, to say the least!  I know it's just a phase, but he needs to be held, rocked, and nursed pretty much non-stop from 7pm until he finally passes out.  This does not lend well to completing Colin's bedtime routine.  It works on the nights that Jer is home because I can hand Preston off to him while I take care of Colin.  (Although it should be noted that poor Dad ends up holding a screaming baby the whole time until I get back!)  SO, it's really tough when Jer is working at night and Preston doesn't want to cooperate with me.  In case you haven't figured it out - Colin requires MOM to lay with him while he falls asleep...and I love that!

Tonight was just that kind of night and Preston was extra fussy, no doubt due to something I ate today.  I finally gave up and just had Colin come get in my bed to fall asleep with me while I nursed Mr. Grumpy Pants.  Poor Preston had been crying for a long time on and off and my back was aching from walking around with him and I was just plain exhausted from handling everything myself.  In fact, I was feeling decidedly like Mrs. Grumpy Pants.  I turned all the lights out and Colin got in bed bedside me while I continued to nurse.  He curled up in a ball and tucked himself as close to me as he possibly could with his head nuzzled literally in my hip while I sat indian style nursing Preston.  It was in that moment that both of my boys fell asleep and all of a sudden, like a giant wave crashing over me, I realized that I was in the middle of a blessing.  I had both of my precious baby boys snuggled as close to me as humanly possible and their warm little bodies had finally found the peace to fall asleep while holding on to me.  In the still and quiet of the dark, I bowed my head and thanked God for my precious angels.  I stayed sitting like that for long moments after they were both asleep and let myself take it in and memorize the feeling of them, laying with me, nestled with me, loving me.  These two boys, with their soft skin and chubby cheeks and sweaty limbs, are one day going to be grown up.  I won't have the chance to watch their eyelashes laying in perfect crescents on their pink skin.  I won't have Colin's skinny little boy legs curled around me or Preston's plump little baby fist resting on my chest.  These moments are going to end and one day.  These "bad" nights when I can't get everything right are going to slide right past me and if I am not careful, I will forget to notice what a blessing they all are.  Because - let's face it - right now, they are still my babies.  And right now, they need me more than anyone else.  And right now, THAT is all that matters!

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to figure out how to fit in my bedroom with Colin, two cats and a dog.  And a baby in his sleeper.  It looks like Daddy gets the extra bedroom when he gets home.  :-)
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