In all the insanity of being a new mama, I never wrote down Colin's birth story. I am going to do it now, since today is exactly one week before his first birthday. The day is still very fresh in my mind and I know that time will fade those memories, so I need to get it written down for history's sake. This is going to be very long!
The c-section was scheduled for 7:00am Friday morning, July 20, 2007. We finally scheduled it during the last ultrasound a week and a half earlier. His head and shoulder measurements were the big deal and we decided to go with the c-section. Thursday was a crazy day for me...I knew that my baby was coming the next day and all I could do was watch the clock slowly tick by. My parents were on their way from Tyler that night and they were running really late. We had to be at the hospital at 5:00am and I knew that regardless of what time I went to bed, there was no way that I would be sleeping. I was too excited for words! I sat down at the computer and wrote a letter to Colin. I sat for a long time composing that letter and feeling him moving around in my belly. I was trying to memorize what it felt like to have him inside because I knew it was almost over. Afterwards, I took a long shower, shaved my legs, washed my hair, the whole nine yards. I curled my hair and fixed it all up perfectly so that it would still look nice in the morning. I remember being so focused that my hair look nice...I kept thinking that I just had to look pretty so that Colin would look back on his birth and think his Mama was beautiful. It seems silly looking back, but it was really important to me that night. After I got all fixed up, I made Jer take the final pictures of my belly. I look huge in the pictures, but my face was glowing with the excitement. We packed up the car with all the goodies that we packed for the hospital stay (very few of which were used!) and waited for my parents. They finally arrived close to 10pm, but that was okay because I was just too keyed up to sleep. We went straight to bed after their arrival and I laid for a long time holding my belly...holding Colin...and finally fell asleep. The alarm shook me awake at 4:00am and I turned it off and laid perfectly still...memorizing the last moment laying in bed, wrapped around my pregnancy pillow, holding my belly. I remember that moment perfectly...time stood still and I closed my eyes and just let myself feel Colin. It felt like Christmas morning...I was so tired, but too excited to care. I took a quick shower just to rinse off one final time and wake myself up. I dressed in my white maternity t-shirt and my black stretch yoga pants. I lived in those pants at the end because I was just too big for much else. We got the last things...pillows, etc...and were ready to go. My parents were going to meet us at the hospital a bit later. We got into the car and headed out in the pitch dark of the early morning. The sun was not even on the horizon yet. We were virtually the only car out and I remember that it felt surreal to be driving to the hospital. Jer and I did not say a whole lot to each other...we were kind of in awe of the moment and inside our own thoughts. We took Hwy 114 and I remember the lights of the city blinking at me and the huge glowing hospital sign appearing on my left. My doctor's office was there, as well as our birth and baby classes, so we were very familiar with it. In fact, that hospital still feels apart of me. I pass it all the time and smile every single time I see it. We parked right out front since it was so early and headed in. We left most of the stuff in the car for Jer to get once I got into a room. We went to the 2nd floor and checked in at triage, exactly as we were instructed. I had already been there once when I had that labor scare when I was sick, so we already knew what would happen. The nurses walked me back to the triage table and they were all so sweet and caring. They hooked me up to all the monitors and I got started on the paperwork. They asked the whole drill of questions and then hooked me up to an IV of fluids. I did not realize it, but before surgery they fill you up with fluid!!!! I was floating!!! Soon it was almost time to go and the nurse did something to the IV to make it flow faster into me. Dr. White showed up to check on me...I remember he was upbeat and he said, "Let's do this!". I loved that. I got up once to go to the bathroom, with Jer helping me carry all the stuff connected to me. I barely got settled again and it was time to go to the OR. I walked there with two nurses and Jer was taken away to get scrubbed up and ready to go. I was really getting scared at this point...I was starting to shake. The nurses kept up a steady stream of frivolous talking to keep me calm and I could tell they were very used to calming scared mamas. They led me into the OR and it was very green...green tile everywhere...and freezing cold. It was the coldest room that I have ever been in in my life. I remember thinking that it looked just like something on TV. They had me climb up on a huge silver operating table. The room was brighter than you could ever imagine a room being. It was so very cold and bright that I started to feel like I was dreaming the entire moment. As I sat on the freezing silver table, one of the nurses leaned in and whispered in my ear that I was very lucky and had the very best anesthesiologist in the whole hospital. He showed up right after she said that and introduced himself to me. He was very quiet and shy in appearance, but he had a calming effect on me immediately. I was seated on the table and he had me lean as far over as I could with my enormous belly. I had two nurses holding me in the position and I remember they were so sweet, rubbing my arms and brushing a stray hair up into my cap. The main thing I remember about getting that epidural is that it did not hurt at all. Suddenly, I felt something like water rushing down my spine and that was it. They all helped me lay down and I remember they put lots and lots of toasty warm blankets on me, which helped in that freezing room. Before I could even think about it, I was totally numb from around my ribs down. Dr. White appeared and he wearing classic green scrubs and was holding his hands up just like the doctors do on ER. I remember that it made me laugh to myself that I would think that. He was all business, but he caught my eye and smiled so warmly at me and asked if I was ready to meet Colin. He had been there with me through everything and I remember being so grateful for him at that moment. I was laying down and they put up all the curtain stuff to block my view. Suddenly there were so many people around...doctors and nurses and then Jeremy arrived and sat down next to me. I was starting to feel like I was having an out of body experience...I was floating on all the meds and listening to all the doctors and nurses around me speaking their jargon. My anesthesiologist, bless his heart, sat at my head the whole time. I never realized that is what they do, but he did not move a muscle and watched my every breath. He told me in my ear that he was there just for me and that it was his only job to make sure I was okay. That made me feel so much better. They started the surgery...Dr. White told me that he was making the first incision. I felt nothing at all and then heard the swoosh of the water coming out. There was SO MUCH! My crazy husband had decided to stand up and watch the whole thing. I still can't imagine what he saw or how he managed to look at all of that. He looked at me in awe a couple of times and asked if I was sure that I was okay...it must have been quite a sight!! My hands were extended all the way out on either side of me and I was starting to get nervous...I could feel lots of pulling and pushing and pressure. It did not hurt, it just felt...strange and foreign. Then I heard it....Colin cried!!! He was out!!!!! Dr. White said, "It's a boy!!" and they held him over the curtain to me and it was the most amazing thing that I have ever seen or will ever see in my life. I think I started to go into shock...and something happened then and I started to feel myself leaving...like I was slowly starting to pass out...I remember whispering that I did not feel right to nobody in particular and the amazing doctor that was sitting at my head said, "I will fix it!". He did something and then started to run his hand calmly over my forehead. In a minute I felt much better. Jer had gotten up to watch Colin being weighed and measured and he was the first to hold him. They got him all wrapped up and brought him over to me. I remember looking at his sweet little face and getting to kiss his cheek as they held him to my face. Dr. White sewed me back up quickly and it was not long before they moved me onto another bed and rolled me into the post-op room. I was going to be there for an hour and Colin was going to stay with me!!! I was so excited! Jer went out to tell gathered family the good news and a nurse helped to raise the bed just enough so that I could cradle Colin next to me. She wanted him to nurse immediately and I was so excited! The nurse showed me what to do and Colin latched on immediately!! Once she made sure we were okay, the nurse left us and it was just me and Colin laying there together. I was able to stroke his face and talk to him while he ate. I can't put that moment into words and I won't even try. As I type this, I can feel the emotions washing over me like it is happening all over again. That was the best hour of my life. The nurse came back a couple of times and helped Colin to switch to my other side. After the hour, they took Colin to the nursery for all the official stuff and moved me to my own room. I was wheeled past the nursery and saw my parents and Jer's parents in the hallway, grinning and waving to me. They got me into my room, which was the biggest room on the floor by the luck of the draw and right outside the big nurses station. The nurses were like angels hovering around me...they took such amazing care of me, making sure I was okay before they let the family in. At that point, everyone spilled in to see me and Jer' s mom put the official "It's a Boy" wreath on the door. It took about an hour for them to bring Colin back to me. I spent the rest of that first day seeing my friends and family and sharing the joy of Colin with the world. That first day was great...I had a 24 hour morphine shot, so I was feeling no pain and just glowing to have my baby. I was in the hospital for 3 nights and we got to leave on Monday afternoon. The overwhelming memory that I have of those days was how amazing the nurses were...they took care of me in a way that I could never have imagined. Colin was a champion nursing machine and my time was spent nursing Colin and reveling in our new family. Jer was amazing, too...he never left my side and took care of every single thing I could have needed. I was very lucky....Colin's birth was the most wonderful experience of my life. I love you so very much, Colin!
The c-section was scheduled for 7:00am Friday morning, July 20, 2007. We finally scheduled it during the last ultrasound a week and a half earlier. His head and shoulder measurements were the big deal and we decided to go with the c-section. Thursday was a crazy day for me...I knew that my baby was coming the next day and all I could do was watch the clock slowly tick by. My parents were on their way from Tyler that night and they were running really late. We had to be at the hospital at 5:00am and I knew that regardless of what time I went to bed, there was no way that I would be sleeping. I was too excited for words! I sat down at the computer and wrote a letter to Colin. I sat for a long time composing that letter and feeling him moving around in my belly. I was trying to memorize what it felt like to have him inside because I knew it was almost over. Afterwards, I took a long shower, shaved my legs, washed my hair, the whole nine yards. I curled my hair and fixed it all up perfectly so that it would still look nice in the morning. I remember being so focused that my hair look nice...I kept thinking that I just had to look pretty so that Colin would look back on his birth and think his Mama was beautiful. It seems silly looking back, but it was really important to me that night. After I got all fixed up, I made Jer take the final pictures of my belly. I look huge in the pictures, but my face was glowing with the excitement. We packed up the car with all the goodies that we packed for the hospital stay (very few of which were used!) and waited for my parents. They finally arrived close to 10pm, but that was okay because I was just too keyed up to sleep. We went straight to bed after their arrival and I laid for a long time holding my belly...holding Colin...and finally fell asleep. The alarm shook me awake at 4:00am and I turned it off and laid perfectly still...memorizing the last moment laying in bed, wrapped around my pregnancy pillow, holding my belly. I remember that moment perfectly...time stood still and I closed my eyes and just let myself feel Colin. It felt like Christmas morning...I was so tired, but too excited to care. I took a quick shower just to rinse off one final time and wake myself up. I dressed in my white maternity t-shirt and my black stretch yoga pants. I lived in those pants at the end because I was just too big for much else. We got the last things...pillows, etc...and were ready to go. My parents were going to meet us at the hospital a bit later. We got into the car and headed out in the pitch dark of the early morning. The sun was not even on the horizon yet. We were virtually the only car out and I remember that it felt surreal to be driving to the hospital. Jer and I did not say a whole lot to each other...we were kind of in awe of the moment and inside our own thoughts. We took Hwy 114 and I remember the lights of the city blinking at me and the huge glowing hospital sign appearing on my left. My doctor's office was there, as well as our birth and baby classes, so we were very familiar with it. In fact, that hospital still feels apart of me. I pass it all the time and smile every single time I see it. We parked right out front since it was so early and headed in. We left most of the stuff in the car for Jer to get once I got into a room. We went to the 2nd floor and checked in at triage, exactly as we were instructed. I had already been there once when I had that labor scare when I was sick, so we already knew what would happen. The nurses walked me back to the triage table and they were all so sweet and caring. They hooked me up to all the monitors and I got started on the paperwork. They asked the whole drill of questions and then hooked me up to an IV of fluids. I did not realize it, but before surgery they fill you up with fluid!!!! I was floating!!! Soon it was almost time to go and the nurse did something to the IV to make it flow faster into me. Dr. White showed up to check on me...I remember he was upbeat and he said, "Let's do this!". I loved that. I got up once to go to the bathroom, with Jer helping me carry all the stuff connected to me. I barely got settled again and it was time to go to the OR. I walked there with two nurses and Jer was taken away to get scrubbed up and ready to go. I was really getting scared at this point...I was starting to shake. The nurses kept up a steady stream of frivolous talking to keep me calm and I could tell they were very used to calming scared mamas. They led me into the OR and it was very green...green tile everywhere...and freezing cold. It was the coldest room that I have ever been in in my life. I remember thinking that it looked just like something on TV. They had me climb up on a huge silver operating table. The room was brighter than you could ever imagine a room being. It was so very cold and bright that I started to feel like I was dreaming the entire moment. As I sat on the freezing silver table, one of the nurses leaned in and whispered in my ear that I was very lucky and had the very best anesthesiologist in the whole hospital. He showed up right after she said that and introduced himself to me. He was very quiet and shy in appearance, but he had a calming effect on me immediately. I was seated on the table and he had me lean as far over as I could with my enormous belly. I had two nurses holding me in the position and I remember they were so sweet, rubbing my arms and brushing a stray hair up into my cap. The main thing I remember about getting that epidural is that it did not hurt at all. Suddenly, I felt something like water rushing down my spine and that was it. They all helped me lay down and I remember they put lots and lots of toasty warm blankets on me, which helped in that freezing room. Before I could even think about it, I was totally numb from around my ribs down. Dr. White appeared and he wearing classic green scrubs and was holding his hands up just like the doctors do on ER. I remember that it made me laugh to myself that I would think that. He was all business, but he caught my eye and smiled so warmly at me and asked if I was ready to meet Colin. He had been there with me through everything and I remember being so grateful for him at that moment. I was laying down and they put up all the curtain stuff to block my view. Suddenly there were so many people around...doctors and nurses and then Jeremy arrived and sat down next to me. I was starting to feel like I was having an out of body experience...I was floating on all the meds and listening to all the doctors and nurses around me speaking their jargon. My anesthesiologist, bless his heart, sat at my head the whole time. I never realized that is what they do, but he did not move a muscle and watched my every breath. He told me in my ear that he was there just for me and that it was his only job to make sure I was okay. That made me feel so much better. They started the surgery...Dr. White told me that he was making the first incision. I felt nothing at all and then heard the swoosh of the water coming out. There was SO MUCH! My crazy husband had decided to stand up and watch the whole thing. I still can't imagine what he saw or how he managed to look at all of that. He looked at me in awe a couple of times and asked if I was sure that I was okay...it must have been quite a sight!! My hands were extended all the way out on either side of me and I was starting to get nervous...I could feel lots of pulling and pushing and pressure. It did not hurt, it just felt...strange and foreign. Then I heard it....Colin cried!!! He was out!!!!! Dr. White said, "It's a boy!!" and they held him over the curtain to me and it was the most amazing thing that I have ever seen or will ever see in my life. I think I started to go into shock...and something happened then and I started to feel myself leaving...like I was slowly starting to pass out...I remember whispering that I did not feel right to nobody in particular and the amazing doctor that was sitting at my head said, "I will fix it!". He did something and then started to run his hand calmly over my forehead. In a minute I felt much better. Jer had gotten up to watch Colin being weighed and measured and he was the first to hold him. They got him all wrapped up and brought him over to me. I remember looking at his sweet little face and getting to kiss his cheek as they held him to my face. Dr. White sewed me back up quickly and it was not long before they moved me onto another bed and rolled me into the post-op room. I was going to be there for an hour and Colin was going to stay with me!!! I was so excited! Jer went out to tell gathered family the good news and a nurse helped to raise the bed just enough so that I could cradle Colin next to me. She wanted him to nurse immediately and I was so excited! The nurse showed me what to do and Colin latched on immediately!! Once she made sure we were okay, the nurse left us and it was just me and Colin laying there together. I was able to stroke his face and talk to him while he ate. I can't put that moment into words and I won't even try. As I type this, I can feel the emotions washing over me like it is happening all over again. That was the best hour of my life. The nurse came back a couple of times and helped Colin to switch to my other side. After the hour, they took Colin to the nursery for all the official stuff and moved me to my own room. I was wheeled past the nursery and saw my parents and Jer's parents in the hallway, grinning and waving to me. They got me into my room, which was the biggest room on the floor by the luck of the draw and right outside the big nurses station. The nurses were like angels hovering around me...they took such amazing care of me, making sure I was okay before they let the family in. At that point, everyone spilled in to see me and Jer' s mom put the official "It's a Boy" wreath on the door. It took about an hour for them to bring Colin back to me. I spent the rest of that first day seeing my friends and family and sharing the joy of Colin with the world. That first day was great...I had a 24 hour morphine shot, so I was feeling no pain and just glowing to have my baby. I was in the hospital for 3 nights and we got to leave on Monday afternoon. The overwhelming memory that I have of those days was how amazing the nurses were...they took care of me in a way that I could never have imagined. Colin was a champion nursing machine and my time was spent nursing Colin and reveling in our new family. Jer was amazing, too...he never left my side and took care of every single thing I could have needed. I was very lucky....Colin's birth was the most wonderful experience of my life. I love you so very much, Colin!
2 comments:
Wow...that made me tear up. Big shock though, huh? lol
wow... I'm sitting here crying, not the pretty one tear rolling down the face cry REAL crying!! seriously I know I've said this before but you should write... please, I would read every book. No only cause your my Chalna and I love you but your an AMAZING writer.
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